Last week I sat in a circle of women: women who listen to my deepest fears and joys without judgement, fixing or advice; women for whom ALL of me is welcome; women who do not hold me hostage to what I may have shared at another time and in another place. This is my safe place to be; where I hear my own wisdom as I give voice to feelings I hide from myself.
I heard another woman’s joy at finding her place of spiritual connection and the ease with which her life flows now. I found her mesmeric and inspirational. I wanted to take her home in my pocket as I am struggling and feeling pointless.
Walking the hills on Saturday with another circle woman, again I heard a story that fed my soul: a story about surrender, non-resistance, non-attachment and the inner peace and joy conscious living brings this woman even in her darkest hours. Indeed it was suffering that brought this woman to a decision: enough – there must be another way.
At her suggestion, this morning I opened Eckhart Tolle’s book on Practising Living in the Now and there it was: surrender; surrender to what IS. I gobbled up the chapter. Later, digging over a couch grass infested herbacious border, I focussed on what I was doing. I was present. It felt good. And very different from my normal mental torture on how many other beds there are to dig, whether I should be pruning, sewing seeds, planting or doing office work.
Refreshed, I came indoors – my back was beginning to ache and my wrist was twingeing. I decided to empty a drawer full of belts and check whether the key to the safe, which I had secreted carefully before going to The Gambia and have not been able to find, was there. It was not, but that was OK as it was another drawer carefully checked and tidied. I knew the key (and spare) would turn up sometime, hopefully in time for my son’s July wedding so that I could give his bride the old/borrowed item I had promised. I decided to look in my husband’s pants drawer: there was the key! I put it in my usual hidey hole. And there was the spare. I had checked this drawer in rising panic several times over the last month without success. Strange how acceptance of what is seems to work!